


The Many, Many Defeats of Kishin Asura

by teodorattt



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Crack, Funny, Gen, anime ending parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26896378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teodorattt/pseuds/teodorattt
Summary: This is a parody of the anime ending of Soul Eater. Every chapter will contain new ways to defeat Asura.Enjoy!
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. Poem

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction I wrote, ever.  
> Constructive criticism is welcomed.

Maka was the only one standing.

In front of her, Asura stood there menacingly.

_Perfect_ , Asura thought. _Without her weapon, she’s basically useless._

Asura opened his mouth, ready to fire his weapon, Vajra, out of his throat, at Soul. _She’s going to jump in front of him._

Maka immediately went in front of her partner, who took the blow for her earlier, to protect him.

_Just as planned_ , Asura chuckled. _So predictable, so foolish, these pathetic human beings_. _As soon as she’s gone, I’m going to take over the world with Madness-_

Asura stopped, dumfounded.

A figure emerged from the shadows.

Maka gasped.

“Crona!”, she said, very relieved and surprised. “You’re alright! How did you get in here?”

“Um, I kinda dug up under Kishin Asura’s force field with Ragnarok.”

_Bullshit. I made sure not to let-_

At the far, far left of his force field, Asura saw a hole in the ground.

_Mother-_

Asura was visibly frustrated.

_It does not matter! All that idiot’s done is sign up for a very, VERY painful death!_

As Asura started to emit angry smokes, Maka whispered something in Crona’s ear, to which Crona nodded.

Maka put some cotton padding in her ears.

Then Crona started unfolding a piece of paper.

Asura temporarily stopped and raised an eyebrow. _Just what are they doing…?_

Then Crona spoke.

_Is that idiot… reciting a poem?_

“Ha! A simple, edgy, bad-written poem won’t have any effect on me! What are you going to do, recite me….to…death…?”, Asura said, as realization hit him.

That was no ordinary poem. Oh, no, no, no, no.

_What…is this feeling?_

_Is it… despair?_

Asura shook his head. _No, this is impossible. I am fear itself, I’m despair INCARNATE! How could they…_

Soon enough, Asura dropped into a fetal position, sucking his thumb and moving back and forth.

Maka went to Asura.

The last thing Asura saw was Maka’s grin as she gave him the greatest, heaviest Maka-Chop ever.


	2. Bitch Slap

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was an request from Wattpad. I tried to include "OP Character" and "Bitch Slap" into one.  
> I hope you'll enjoy!

Maka, Blackstar and Death the Kid were panting, clutching their weapons.

In front of them, Asura stood, smirking.

They tried everything. Not even the Black Blood-powered Chain Resonance had any effect on him.

“What’s the matter?”, Asura said. “Too scared to move?”

Maka clutched Soul tighter.

Blackstar was unusually quiet.

Only Death the Kid dropped his weapons and started to make some weird gestures, Naruto-style.

“Um, I don’t want to interrupt you here”, Maka said, “but what are you doing?”

Death the Kid closed his eyes and inhaled, “I’m summoning.”

“Huh? Since when do you have summoning powers?”, Blackstar questioned.

“Since now”, Death the Kid said, matter-of-factly. “I hope this works.”

As Kid made the last gesture with his hands, a puff of smoke appeared.

The smoke soon cleared, revealing a caped bald man in a yellow, zipped suit with a non-descript expression on his face.

He looked around, puzzled.

“Where’s the supermarket? I could swear it was-”

Then he started to scream.

“Nooooooooo! TODAY WAS BARGAINING DAY AT THE SUPERMARKET!”

As the man whined and Asura laughed, Blackstar made the Excalibur face. So incredibly LAME!

Then turned around to Kid: “YOU HAD THE POWER TO SUMMON ANYONE IN THE WORLD, AND YOU SUMMON A BALD GUY IN A RUBBER SUIT?!”

“I really don’t want to, but I agree with Blackstar on this”, Maka said. “How will he help us?”

“Trust me”, Kid said, serious. “Did you two read ‘One-Punch Man’?”

“HEY!”

The three Meisters turned their heads to the man.

“Do you kids know where the supermarket is? I got lost.”

Asura laughed again: “Did you weaklings really think a man could beat me? I am Asura, fear itself! Despair INCARNATE! I will bring the world to its knees with Madness-”

“Ok. Do you know where the supermarket is? I have to be there in ten minutes.”

Asura blinked.

How dare he interrupt ME?

“So, you’ll be the one to die first.”

Asura used one of its bandages to attack him.

He immediately dodged.

Asura attacked again.

He dodged.

Asura attacked again.

He dodged again, and said: “Dude, I just asked you if you know where the supermarket is.”

Asura gritted his teeth. This is getting nowhere.

Meanwhile, the three Meisters were watching.

“Well, at least he can dodge.”, Maka said.

“Pff. I can do that too.”

“Quiet, Blackstar. We have to wait.” Death the Kid said.

Asura opened his mouth and fired his weapon at the man’s head.

“Huh? Are you yawning?”, the man inquired.

The beam hit the man’s shiny bald head and went upwards, destroying Asura’s forcefield.

The man’s head only bobbled a bit.

The Meisters stared with their mouths agape.

They couldn’t believe their eyes.

“Did his head…just deflect the beam?”

“Yep.”

Asura was bewildered and angry.

“YOU!”, Asura yelled, “WHAT ARE YOU?”

“I’m Saitama.”, the man said.

“Not your name! WHAT ARE YOU?”

“Oh? I’m a hero for fun.”

Asura gritted his teeth, ”Not that either! How are you that strong?”

“Well…”

Asura waited.

The three Meisters waited.

Then, Saitama spoke.  
“100 PUSH-UPS! 100 SIT-UPS! 100 SQUATS! 10 KILOMETERS! AND NO AIR CONDITIONER! EVERY! SINGLE! DAY!”

An awkward silence settled between them.

“That’s BULLSHIT!”  
Everyone turned their heads to Blackstar.

“I make many, MANY more squats, sit-ups, push-ups AND run much more kilometres than YOU, and I don’t deflect huge, BIGASS lasers with my head! What’s your trick?”

“Well, it’s only what I just said.”

“ENOUGH!”, Asura yelled. “I’m going to kill every single one of you! Even if it takes me CENTURIES!”

“Even the brats? I know they’re rude, but-”

Asura went forward.

“You’re really going to kill them for that?”, Saitama said as he walked to Asura.

Asura sent a punch.

Saitama caught it.

Then he muttered: “Normal Series: Normal Bitch Slap.”

“What?”

Those were Asura’s last words, before he was splashed bloodily against a large stone boulder.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, you were the one that brought me here.”, Saitama said to Kid.

“Yeah, it was an emergency. I apologize for everything.”, Kid spoke. “I suppose you can’t go back to the supermarket’s bargaining offers.”

“Well, it’s already past 5 am.”

“I understand. Then allow me to make it up to you. Without you, the whole world would have been destroyed.”

“There’s no need for that.”

“I insist. What about the sum of 1000 dollars?”

“Ok.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Sensei, why there are 1000 dollars on the counter?”

“Ah, I did some bounty hunting.”

“I understand.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo, boy, this was fun to write.  
> I will post other chapters soon.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter was inspired by another Soul Eater fanfiction, whose name and author I forgot.  
> If anyone knows that fanfic, please tell me in the comments and I will credit it.


End file.
